ADHD and Relationships: Communication Strategies That Work

Every time we think about ADHD (Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder) or hear about it, it’s always in the context of focus and productivity. How is your ADHD impacting your work? How does it show up in school? How do your symptoms affect day-to-day tasks, like chores and cleaning?

One of the lesser-understood and less-talked-about parts of having ADHD is the difficulty you may face in relationships. You might have some struggles around communicating and connecting with others. The reality is that you are trying your best, but some of your ADHD symptoms may be creating hurdles.

Am I doomed to struggle with communication because I have ADHD?

NO! Just because you have ADHD, doesn't mean you are doomed to struggle with communicating for the rest of your life. 

What's important to recognize is that folks with ADHD are considered neurodivergent. Being neurodivergent doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. Rather, it means that your brain is wired in different ways then a neurotypical person. 

All this means is that you need to learn about yourself and pay special attention to some parts of your life. And, needing support is completely normal. ADHD therapy, like individual counseling, maybe the answer for you to better know and accept yourself, ADHD and all!

How Do Some People with ADHD Struggle with Communication?

If you have ADHD, you might know this feeling all too well. Imagine: You're having a conversation with someone and a thought pops into your head. Before you even have a chance to think about it, you're already saying it out loud. It feels like your mouth works faster than your brain. 

It feels like once you have a thought of something to say, you have to say it immediately or it will be gone forever. Sound familiar?

Maybe you were talking with a friend recently, and they are surprised that you don't remember an important part of something they've told you before. You know this person is important to you, yet you notice that you forget details about your conversations. 

You know you’re trying your best, but with ADHD symptoms, the impulsivity and high-energy can make it difficult to communicate sometimes. 

How do ADHD, Low Self-esteem, and Communication Connect?

If you are dealing with low self-esteem on top of ADHD, it may feel impossible and scary to be truly open and connect with others. 

It's common for people with ADHD to have low self-esteem. Again, people with ADHD are neurodivergent, meaning your brain is going to be wired differently than a neurotypical person. Being neurodivergent in this world comes with a lot of challenges and it can feel hard to feel like you truly fit in. In the past, you may have been told that you are rude, it seems like you don't listen or don't care, or that you are always thinking of something else. 

Over time, these comments can really leave a lasting impact and make you doubt yourself. ADHD support groups can be an incredibly healing space for you, too – you don’t have to feel alone in living with ADHD.

Communication Strategies for ADHD that Work

Living with ADHD will always have challenges, but some of these skills will lighten the load and help you to be a better communicator. 

Narrate Your Experience

If you have ADHD, your mind is probably running a mile a minute. This can make it very difficult to be present in conversations.

Let’s say you are doing the dishes, but you are also thinking about a project that is coming due as you wash the dishes. The goal here is to focus on one thing at a time – research has shown that humans can’t multitask and truly give 100% to each separate thing!

Narrate yourself as you do the dishes: I am picking up a dish to wash. I am picking up the sponge. I am scrubbing the dish with the sponge. I am putting the sponge down and rinsing the clean dish. 

This might feel a bit silly at first, but give it a try anyway! Try practicing this outside of conversations first, then practice it in a conversation: “I’m listening to Anna talk about the new leash she got for her dog, Milo.” Being more present in conversations will alleviate a lot of communication issues!

Practice Listening to Understand

The urge to speak the thought that immediately comes into mind is almost irresistible. Often, you can be so overwhelmed by the impulse to speak that you have completely missed what the other person has said.

Try to listen to the other person with the intent of repeating their thoughts. Listen so closely that you could paraphrase what the other person said. This will cause you to be very mindful of your own experience, and bring you closer to others!

Be Honest With the People You Love

ADHD does not have to be a source of shame. It can feel hard to tell other people that you have ADHD, but expressing this to loved ones can make your life easier and strengthen connections with others.

Try saying something like, “I feel that it is important for you to know that I have ADHD. Sometimes I may not remember things and might need a reminder. This doesn't mean I don't care, just that I need an extra nudge.”

Practice, and Practice Kindness

Having ADHD comes with so many strengths, but communication can often be challenging. Communication is a skill and takes time to learn and practice! Be kind to yourself and keep trying.

It's helpful to know that there are therapists who specialize in ADHD therapy. Individual counseling can be the answer to the support you’re seeking. ADHD can be extremely challenging to live with, and you don’t need to feel shame for seeking extra support in improving your life. 

How We Can Help

Know that Catalyss Counseling has multiple therapists that specialize in therapy for ADHD. That said, many times having ADHD can feel extremely isolating. It can be healing to hear from other people living with ADHD and how they manage their day-to-day lives. Joining one of our ADHD support groups can be the support and push forward that you need to thrive!

If you are looking for general support, or if you would like to talk to someone more about how we can help you, follow these simple steps:

1. Contact us today for a free 20-minute phone consultation

2. Or, you can book directly online with the therapist of your choice

3. Begin your journey towards a calmer, more relaxed life

Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:

Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling, and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.

Author Biography

Frankie Washofsky is a therapist with Catalyss Counseling who works with adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and ADHD, as well as relationship, LGBTQIA+, and polyamory/non-monogamous issues. Frankie is also an avid gamer and blog author. She specializes in working with trauma survivors, highly-sensitive people, and people-pleasers. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.