Couples Counseling for Conflict Management and How it Helps

Conflict in your relationship is hard enough. It’s even tougher when those conflicts don’t go according to plan, and you or your partner (or both) end up feeling deeply hurt. Maybe they turn into all-out fights.

You’re thinking to yourself, “Our relationship would be perfect if we could communicate better!” You want your relationship to be healthy, to be able to communicate well with your partner, and not get into hurtful fights with each other. You want to feel like you and your partner are a team, not enemies.

Will it be like this forever?

You might be asking yourself if it’s worth staying and fighting things out. You want your relationship to work but feel that you can’t keep repeating the same pattern. What if there is a different way to handle conflict?

Often, we think about relationship counseling as a last-ditch effort when all else has failed. However, couples therapy is often the tender loving care our relationships need. Conflict management is just one of the ways couples therapy can improve your relationship!

We go to the doctor and dentist for wellness visits – let your relationship be the same priority! Catalyss Counseling offers relationship counseling and couples therapy with experienced, trained therapists.

Understanding Communication Issues

One of the biggest reasons couples start relationship counseling is because of communication issues. Behind communication issues, there is often a hidden struggle in managing conflict. Your biggest hurts are coming from how the fight unfolded, instead of what the fight was about.

Couples therapy allows you to figure out ways to make the how gentler and less scary. Nobody wants to bring up a topic if it might end in an explosive fight! A trained couples therapist can teach you and your partner how to hear each other, without all the fighting.

Skills to Thrive in Your Relationships

There’s a lot of relationship advice out there – from family, friends, strangers, the internet, and social media. How can you know what’s helpful and what’s not? Luckily, I will share with you some proven, research-backed skills used in couples therapy.

Pay Attention to Yourself

Are you noticing that the longer a fight goes on, the more upset you get? Pay special attention to yourself in these moments. The more intense a fight becomes, the less you and your partner can talk to each other calmly and logically. Maybe you’ve noticed in fights that it seems neither of you are hearing each other. This could be a sign you and your partner may be emotionally overwhelmed and need to take a break.

Take a Break

How exactly do you take a break during a conflict? If you’re noticing things are too intense and you can’t think straight, take a break. You want your partner to know you still care about them and this conflict, but need at least 20 minutes to calm down. Don’t overcomplicate it: “I care about you and this fight, but I need 20 minutes to calm down. I will come back and we can talk then.”

What a Break Might Look Like

Don’t take a break, then spend 20 minutes thinking about your fight. This time is for you to come back down to Earth and feel okay. Listen to some calming music, journal your thoughts, go for a walk, or spend time with a pet.

Both of You are Right

During a fight, it’s easy to think you’re right and your partner is wrong. They could be having the very same thought! Then, you both spend the fight arguing your own side, and will most likely not get anywhere. The reality? Both of you are right.

Imagine you and your partner are on a walk and see a red flower. You are both told to draw the flower. Your drawings will look similar, but not the same. You and your partner will have different experiences and see different things about the flower, and draw two different pictures. This is the same for your conflicts – keep this in mind as you talk with your partner!

Practice, Practice, Practice

Communication is a skill that takes time to learn and practice. The fact that you’re here, reading this blog, means you care about improving communication in your relationship! Have patience and compassion for yourself as you try out some of the tools listed above.

It’s okay to need more help with your relationship. Relationship counseling may be a good option to help you and your partner thrive as a team again. Couples therapy can be scary and hold stigma, but you are feeding your relationship the healthy food it needs! Know that all of us at Catalyss Counseling are here for you and are here to help.

How We Can Help

If you are looking for general support, or if you would like to talk to someone more about how we can help you, follow these simple steps:

1. Contact us today for a free 20-minute phone consultation

2. Or, you can book directly online with the therapist of your choice

3. Begin your journey towards a calmer, more relaxed life

Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:

Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling, and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.

Author Biography

Frankie Washofsky is a therapist with Catalyss Counseling who works with adults experiencing anxiety, depression, and ADHD, as well as relationship, LGBTQIA+, and polyamory/non-monogamous issues. Frankie is also an avid gamer and blog author. She specializes in working with trauma survivors, highly-sensitive people, and people-pleasers. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.