The holiday season is underway, which can bring a whole mix of emotions – from joy and excitement to anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. When you are planning to spend the holidays with family members – whether you are traveling to see them or hosting your own celebration – that can bring an added layer of stress, especially when familial relationships are strained.
You might be concerned about a critical or overbearing parent, worried about dealing with a family member’s behavior that causes lots of “drama”, or simply be nervous about spending time with a relative who you’ve avoided seeing all year. Perhaps this year feels especially hard, if family members have vastly different political or worldviews than you, which you do not want to discuss with them. Your feelings and concerns are 100% valid, as so many people struggle with difficult family dynamics this time of year.
Below are some suggestions of ways to help you cope with family-related stressors and take care of yourself during the holiday season.
Set Realistic Expectations
You may find yourself hoping that this year will be “perfect”. However, unlike the Hallmark holiday movies that many of us watch, families are often dysfunctional, and patterns of behavior don’t magically disappear overnight.
So, when you find yourself becoming overly optimistic, it’s important to tune in and level-set your expectations, especially of other people. Ask yourself “What is under my control and what is not?” After all, we can make decisions about our own responses and actions but have little to no control of how others behave.
Understand Your Triggers and Identify Ways to Self-Sooth
If there are specific members who regularly upset you, it can be really helpful to understand your own emotional triggers. What do they say or do that triggers you? Where do you feel it in your body when triggered? What thoughts and feelings arise?
When you notice yourself getting triggered, try a simple self-soothing technique by tuning into one of your five senses (i.e. suck on a mint or candy, touch something soft like a sweatshirt or pet, or look at a peaceful image on your cell phone). Engaging in one of your senses will help to calm your nervous system.
Set Boundaries and Communicate Them
Before you attend your holiday gathering, it’s essential to identify in advance what topics and behaviors are acceptable to you and what is off-limits. If family members cross that line, set those boundaries by saying something like “Let’s agree to disagree” or “I don’t want to talk about that”. You can also try to steer conversations towards something that is neutral and less heated or simply excuse yourself to use the restroom and take a break.
Plan An Exit Strategy
Having an exit strategy planned in advance can be incredibly helpful, especially if things tend to escalate quickly with family members. Perhaps you have a max number of hours you can tolerate spending with family. If so, plan to leave after that length of time. Or if you are traveling out of town to visit family, perhaps booking a hotel room and renting a car would give you more space and peace of mind.
Finally, you can also simply say “no” and decline the holiday invitation altogether. Do whatever is best for your own mental health and well-being. Just make sure to share your plans with any family members who are going with you to the gathering (i.e. spouse, partner, children, etc.), so they are aware of it in advance and are not caught off guard.
Take Extra Good Care of Yourself
Let’s face it, spending time with family members can be exhausting and drain you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Therefore, it’s important to take extra good care of yourself both before and after your get-together. Do yourself a favor and schedule some “me” time on your calendar and engage in some self-care practices that nurture you.
Find Your Own Ways to Make the Holidays Meaningful
While your family gathering may be less than ideal, there’s no reason why you can’t find your own ways to celebrate and make this holiday season meaningful on your own terms. Some ways you can sprinkle your own joy back into the holiday might include:
Adding small decorations to your home
Driving around town to see holiday lights
Volunteering at a soup kitchen
Donating coats or blankets to organizations in need
Attending a spiritual or religious service.
Seek Support from Friends and Community
You do not have to struggle during the holidays on your own. Surround yourself with others who love and support you unconditionally. Perhaps identify a trusted friend that you can text or call, especially if things with your family get heated. Or plan your own separate celebration with your “chosen family” whomever that might be.
You can also make an appointment for individual therapy or join one of our support groups at Catalyss Counseling, which can be a great way to find camaraderie and support during this stressful time of year. Let’s face it. The holiday season can be a real mixed bag and stressful for so many people, even though the movies don’t often paint that picture. The most important thing is to remind yourself that you are not alone in feeling this way and to take the time to check-in with yourself, set boundaries, and have an action plan to have your holidays go as smoothly as possible.
How We Can Help
If you are looking for support, or if you would like to talk to someone more about how we can help you, follow these simple steps:
Contact us today for a free 20-minute phone consultation
Or, you can book directly online with the therapist of your choice
Begin your journey towards a calmer, more relaxed life
Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:
Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling, and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.
Author Biography
Rachel Jurisz-Singh is a student intern and a provider for the Affordable Counseling Program at Catalyss Counseling. She works with adults and parents struggling with big changes such as marriage, job loss, a break-up, or loss of a loved one to find clarity and balance again so you can manage your anxiety or depression, build stronger relationships, and find meaning during a difficult time. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
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