Exploring Non-Monogamy? Therapy Can Help You Navigate Relationship Challenges

So, You’re Considering Non-Monogamy?

Many people associate non-monogamy exclusively with sexual expression but it’s about so much more! Non-monogamous relationship models also offer opportunities for deepening your relationships, discovering more about yourself, building a vibrant community, creating mutual aid, and the list goes on! My experience with polyamory continues to give me opportunities to clarify my values and to shift my life to become more in integrity with myself again and again. It’s new, it’s exciting, and if you’re beginning to explore the possibilities, you’ve probably also realized, it’s a lot of work! 

There are different types of non-monogamy and different ways of relating within each of these models:

• Open relationships

• Polyamory

• Relationship Anarchy

• And more (lots more)

At times, this can feel overwhelming. Clarifying what feels most aligned for you and your partners is just the beginning. If you know other folks who practice non-monogamy, you’ve probably already learned that it takes a lot of time, skill, and desire to connect with others in meaningful ways. Getting support from a professional can help make the process and transition a lot smoother.  

Non-Monogamy Starts with Knowing Yourself

I’m a firm believer that non-monogamy truly begins with your relationship with yourself. Knowing your values, examining your beliefs, and learning to distinguish between models for relating that have been handed down to you versus what feels most authentic to you. There are many questions to ask yourself when getting started:

• How do you demonstrate and feel committed and connected to people you’re in relationships with?

• How do you define intimacy?

• What constitutes loving, affectionate, and sexual behavior?

• How much time and energy do you realistically have to cultivate your connections? Etc.

  
  

In addition to clarifying your values, healthy relating also starts with learning to support yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Mononormativity often suggests that we look to external indicators to find security in our relationships such as where you’re at on the relationship escalator (dating, exclusivity, engagement, cohabitation, marriage, children, until death). Another example would be looking at your partner's behavior (their sexual fidelity, romantic gestures, ability to anticipate your needs, etc.) to determine the health of your connection.

And I’m sure you’ve witnessed firsthand that none of these things are a guarantee of security, confidence, or relationship health. Non-monogamy offers invitations to learn what helps you feel confident and secure in your relationships without relying on outside factors that don’t guarantee the results you’re looking for. I’ve worked with lots of folks who’ve experienced frustration and confusion when they’ve ‘done everything right’ but didn’t get their ‘happily ever after’. Questioning the path that led you there can give you permission to be more honest with yourself and others about your feelings and experiences. 

Making Agreements

Once you’ve learned a process for understanding and supporting yourself, you also get to explore the parallel process of what these values can look like in relationships with others. Non-monogamy is all about ongoing, enthusiastic consent - and not just when it comes to sex.

Learning to define clear, mutually agreed-upon agreements for your relationships helps build safe containers for exploration and growth. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, solid communication skills, and lots of willingness to meet others in a space of co-creation are all important parts of this process. 

Navigating Conflict

Any relationship will inevitably have conflict, and your ability to successfully navigate rupture and repair are critical to the health of your connections. Ideally, there’s a culture of safety and trust in your relationships. This means you know you can be authentic and honest with yourself and others. It also requires being attuned to others and willingness to be responsive to their experiences as well. Lots more tips for navigating conflict and how relationship therapy can help here. 

A primary objection I often hear when people are considering non-monogamy is that the problem of jealousy feels insurmountable. However, jealousy shows up in every relationship model and navigating it successfully is possible no matter what type of relationship structure you have.

Much like any other difficult or uncomfortable emotion you experience, practice being sensitive to yourself first (acknowledge the feelings with calm, compassion, and curiosity). Then, you can choose a path to be responsive:

• Where do I need additional support internally for this experience?

• Do I need to set a boundary?

• Is there a way my partner(s) can support me without violating their own agency and autonomy?

You may have already begun the process of exploration and change in each of these areas and still feel like you need support. Learning new ways of relating and being can be destabilizing for anyone! This is where a relationship therapist can be helpful.

Specifically, a trained therapist can help you recognize areas you may be “stuck” that are preventing you from feeling successful as you attempt to relate to yourself and others. At Catalyss Counseling in Colorado, we offer multiple resources for relationship therapy and couples counseling. 

How We Can Help

If you’re interested in therapy to support you in your journey to exploring non-monogamy...

Schedule a FREE 20-minute phone consultation to learn more and get started today!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION!

Follow these simple steps if you are looking for general support, or if you would like to talk to someone more about how we can help you:

1. Contact us today for a free 20-minute phone consultation

2. Or, you can book directly online with the therapist of your choice

3. Begin your journey towards a calmer, more balanced life

Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:

Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling, couples counseling, and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision with Firelight Supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.

Author Biography

Jessica Carpenter is a therapist with Catalyss Counseling who works with adults who have experienced stress, grief, trauma, and a variety of relationship issues, including communication and conflict resolution, jealousy and betrayal, affair recovery, LGBTQIA+ community, and polyamory/non-monogamy. Jessica is also a licensed massage therapist, yoga therapist, and TRE provider. She is passionate about making wellness accessible to everyone. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.