How to Approach Self-Care

What is self-care?

There are tons of strategies and approaches to self-care out there. But what exactly do we mean by “self-care”? Both “self” and “care” are pretty loaded terms, so maybe we can take some time unpacking the idea of self-care from a different perspective. 

The “self” as you usually think about it is a local, isolated island in a sea of other people and things. In our culture, self is prioritized and believed to be something you can isolate both conceptually and practically. But in reality, the self is a lot more complex than what you see in the mirror! It’s an amalgamation of everything you have interacted with that has made an impression on you. 

Self-Care in Relation to the World

The philosopher Martin Heidegger even preferred to think of the self as a “being-in-the-world” to emphasize how connected we are with those around us, and to our environmental contexts. Here’s an exercise: try to think about your “self” without relying on descriptions from the outside (e.g., husband, engineer, lover of sports, etc.)... It’s really difficult, perhaps even impossible, to actually imagine a self without imagining everything else around you. 

Human beings are deeply social and contextual creatures. We vary quite a bit from culture to culture, place to place, and time to time. To begin with, the self is maybe the wrong way to go about it sometimes, especially if you’ve tried all the self-care tips and tricks and haven’t felt much better. I often wonder if this is because in a society which suffers from a lack of connection to others, an emphasis on a narrow conception of the “self” in “self-care” might even make the isolation worse in some cases. 

So let’s think of yourself again: what comes to mind? Are you a father, a good friend, a Christian, an agnostic, a Western American, a musician? Those are all integral parts of your self, and are valid points of departure when thinking about valuing yourself. The roles we take up are deeply tied with ourselves, not something we tack on as we move through life like costumes. 

How to Care About Life

So then self-care–what does this mean? Miriam-Webster defines care as “watchful or protective attention, caution, concern, prudence, or regard usually towards an action or situation.” So what are we watching over with concern? Well, if the self is composed not just of our mirror image, it’s a watchful concern over the entirety of our lives, and all of the external things that make up who we are. 

But naturally, some of this is out of our control and would get dizzying to care about. It might be more useful to think of care as a general disposition towards life, a mood, rather than an act that is started and completed. So while taking a long bath or eating well are examples of self-care, they are more specifically acts of self-care. The care that’s broader and more sustainable is a concern for life in general, a desire to be present, and to improve things. It’s an attitude of leaning into life, and into the lives of others. 

This kind of disposition is our natural state. It’s our propensity for love and compassion. The influential 20th-century therapist Karen Horney believed that the work of therapy is removing obstacles in the way of peoples’ natural growth and flourishing. I think we can apply this idea to care, and specifically to self-care. 

So here is an invitation: when do you notice that you really care about the world, about those close to you, about your work and about life? Are you with loved ones doing something relaxing, or is it when you’re deeply engaged in a project or up in the mountains away from urban life? 

When you can reflect on these moments you naturally feel that yourself is larger than just the mirror image of the self, and you can really begin to embrace life, making self-care a deep appreciation for life itself. This doesn’t mean that those acts of self-care like exercise, meditation, or self-help books don’t help at all. This is all just to say that maybe we could spend some time expanding our view of self-care by expanding both terms, “self” and “care.” 

After taking some time to consider what’s going on when you’re in a caring disposition towards the world and yourself, think about what gets in the way of that, what are the obstacles to really getting into life and being invested in projects and other people. 

Self-Care in Therapy

These are all things that are ripe for exploration in therapy. Therapy is usually conceived as working on oneself, fixing the problems that need to be fixed, getting the right behaviors, and so on. But more broadly, therapy is about learning to care again, from a new and refreshed perspective. Dedicating an hour of every week to adopting a caring disposition towards yourself, the people in your life, and your world is a firm foundation of self-care. 

How We Can Help

If this article resonates with you and you live in Colorado, reach out today for a free phone consultation to get connected with a therapist and start your self-care journey through counseling!

Other Therapy Services Available at Catalyss Counseling:

Here at Catalyss Counseling, we want to meet all of your counseling needs in the Denver area. Our supportive therapists provide depression counseling, therapy for caregiver stress, grief and loss therapy, stress management counseling, and more. We also have specialists in trauma and PTSD, women's issues, pregnancy and postpartum depression or anxiety, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and birth trauma. For therapists, we can also provide clinical supervision! We look forward to connecting with you to help support your journey today.

Author Biography

Sean Carroll is a student intern and a provider for the affordable counseling program at Catalyss Counseling. He works with men, anxious adults, and those seeking improved relationships to become “unstuck” and get to the root of the problem, so you can focus on the things in your life that are meaningful. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.