It can be hard to look at holiday traditions the same if you have lost a loved one. Sometimes the smallest of reminders can bring back the all-encompassing grief, leaving you worse off than where you started.
The First Holidays After Loss
The first holiday after a loved one has passed can feel insurmountable. If you find yourself struggling to celebrate an upcoming holiday, you are certainly not alone. Maybe you and your partner had a certain tradition to make a holiday meal together - and now you are brought immediately back to grappling with the grief of their loss as you look at the recipe you both had chosen together.
Or maybe it was a tradition to sneak some of your holiday dinner to your beloved pet under the table. Maybe you would go on a walk every year around your neighborhood with your parents to see the holiday decorations. If you lost a parent, it might be difficult to enjoy those same holiday lights this year.
Regardless of who has been lost, the tsunami of their absence can be debilitating.
Holiday Traditions After Loss
Holidays can exacerbate the pain of loss. Navigating the remnants of holiday traditions on your own, especially if the loss is recent, can be challenging. So how do you make it through these holiday traditions without your loved one?
If this is your first year without them, give yourself some grace and dedicate your time to feeling your own feelings. As intuitive as the name “Feeling your feelings” sounds, it actually takes some practice. You can click here to learn more about that.
If you continue to notice yourself shutting down or struggling with your day to day functioning, it might be best to spend time with others during the holidays. In navigating others’ traditions, the best route may just be to share memories of the traditions you have had with that person or pet. Especially if this is the first holiday without them, you will likely still be mourning them, which is a completely reasonable response.
Holidays in the Future
Navigating holiday traditions in the years to come can take form however you, your family, or chosen family decide. First acknowledging that trying to maintain a tradition or making a new tradition doesn’t equate to forgetting about who you have lost. This can look like making that shared recipe with another loved one or volunteering some of your time at a local shelter or soup kitchen in honor of the one you have lost.
The pain of their absence will always be there, but the intensity of that pain can decrease little by little as the years pass. Seeking therapy during this time may be beneficial. Or even finding peers going through similar situations, such as in a support group setting, can help you feel less alone in those darker times.
How to Cope with Loss During the Holidays
A loss in any capacity can be earth-shattering. Dealing with the holidays without your loved one can feel like a huge weight on your shoulders. Do the best that you can with the resources you have available at that time. If that means, eating a frozen meal in front of the TV, you’re doing your best. If that means choosing to make another meal with a loved one, you’re also doing your best.
Remember that “your best” will change on any given day, especially if you’re at the beginning of your grief journey. Don’t let holiday traditions that no longer suit you get in the way. Soon enough, you’ll find yourself enjoying the new traditions you have made or smiling with the ones you have held on too.
If you are interested in getting extra support during the upcoming holiday season, don’t hesitate to reach out. The caring therapists at Catalyss Counseling can help. Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation today!
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Author Biography
Marie Clyne is a licensed social worker and provider at Catalyss Counseling. Her focus centers on adults struggling with depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Marie's passion lies in getting to know you, who you want to be, and working together to help translate those goals into reality. Follow Catalyss Counseling on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.